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Disappointer

by Kevin Nichols

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1.
Well I’ll be damned I’ve been missing Like it or not My friend You bring me down Like it or not My friend You bring me down But isn’t it all the same Well I’ve been I’ve been missing I like you around My friend You bring me down Like you around My friend You bring me down Isn’t it all the same And if nobody loves me Well that’s perfectly healthy Doesn’t take much to be on my own but  it’s become my preferred way My friend You bring me down Like it or not My friend You bring me down But I keep you around My friend You bring me down But isn’t it all the same And if nobody loves me Well that’s perfectly healthy Doesn’t take much to be on my own but  it’s become my preferred way And if nobody loves me And if nobody loves me And if nobody loves me Well that’s perfectly healthy
2.
Disappointer 03:06
And if I understand her Why do her actions hurt me And when I run for cover I found some community And now I notice nothing Oh yeah that I couldn’t be The light you see Your eyes escape me The waste you lay Is dead to me I can unleash I’ll never let you down I knew that when You looked at me I’m gonna let you down Sit on the couch I’m just a disappointer Now the hurt I will bring And when I run for cover I found some community Now notice when I’ll blow this Just like it’s nothing I’ll never let you down I knew that when You looked at me I’m gonna let you down Sit on the couch I’m gonna let you down I’m gonna let you down I’m gonna let you down Sit on the couch
3.
I can’t stand the sound of the void But I don’t think I have a choice I know this is gonna seem strange but I prefer to struggle at bay I can treat you better when I’m wrong But I cannot have anything I want Seeking I can see through your disguise But I cannot have anything I want And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you I consider this a low point When I don’t think I have a voice Why don’t you just turn and leave me here Cuz I know there will always be strings I can treat you better when I’m wrong But I cannot have anything I want Seeking I can see you realize That I cannot have anything I want And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you And I hate that I need you I should just go for a walk yeah
4.
Bodied Up 02:31
I know my ways to get along They’re not much different than yours I’m squeaky clean Bodied enough Thick skin see-through I shrug it off Like I mean to Bodied up enough My skin’s see through to you I know my ways to get along They’re not much different than yours Yeah I bet Yeah I bet Bodied up enough thick skin see-through I shrug it off Like I mean to Bodied up enough Thick skin see-through I shrug it off Like I mean to I know my ways to get along
5.
Know this how I care you are never without me even with distance we know we’re alright I still want him dead but it’s only occasionally I don’t see you in any different light this time this time you’re right you’re right so am I this something it can’t be real I don’t get my appeal why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me all this time I spend you know searching for something all I know now is it took you long enough somewhere in my dreams I know he is hurting But then again yeah you know I don’t give a fuck that’s rough I’m tough enough to say I suck you’re so very good to me I don’t get what you see why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away from me why don’t you run away why don’t you run away from me
6.
Memory 02:51
I don’t really wanna care Don’t really wanna like you But I don’t wanna see This memory Been alone been afraid Been down for a long time But I don’t wanna see this memory I’m not awake But I can hold you back Light a way It seems like you do well Life’s a ditch But yeah man I dig it Life’s a ditch But yeah man Won’t you dig too How about you You’re part of me You don’t know I’ve been around for a long time But I don’t wanna see This memory Been alone been afraid Been down for a long… I’m not awake But I can hold you back Light a way It seems like you do well Life’s a ditch But yeah man I dig it Life’s a ditch But yeah man I. Dig. It.
7.
Off and on Right your wrongs And repeat Count me out Or keep me down Can’t you see The life I’ll spend On my knees For you OK I’ve been stressed Thought you knew me The best I could always Make a mess Thought you knew that this is Me Being me All the space I Said I’d need For you I saw a light But it Had too much to say It seems you do right But I’m Lost along the way And I don’t know you For you Off and on Right your wrongs And repeat Count me out Or keep me down Can’t you see The life I’ll spend No fuck it For you I saw a light But it had too much to say
8.
Look at myself I don’t know I got here Keep to myself I don’t know how I got here Walking around Still don’t know how I got here Talk to myself Do you know how I got here I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun Look at myself I don’t know I got here Keep to myself I don’t know how I got here I’m gonna drown Do you know how I got here Choke on the sound Still don’t know how I got here I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun again I Stare in the sun
9.
Fallen Plant 02:55
Goin a little awry Living in the city Thinking people might die Thinking they might beat me I have nothing to cry Nothing to push out Sometimes I could try Not solo lately Sometimes I could try I am waiting Just like a fallen plant I am waiting And force-fed I am waiting Sometimes I could try But I know its not me I know it's all a piece of cake But would you just look at this Floorboards aren’t even Staring back at me now Some people might say This is not it Some people might say This is no way to live Some people might say This is not ideal Some people might say I am waiting Just like a fallen plant I am waiting And force-fed I am waiting

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released August 21, 2021

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Kevin Nichols Oakland, California

I’m a princess

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